Wednesday, December 1, 2010
happy begining of the end of the year!
The first of the month shouldn't that be for other first things, as well? I was thinking about new year resolutions and how most the time they don't seem to stick. Forcing oneself instead of encouraging oneself to do something, makes it feel so much more like a chore than it really should be. So this year I am not making resolutions. I'm looking at the new year as a a new day everyday to do the things that make me happy and hopefully brighten up the lives of others. Just because I am not making a list doesn't mean there aren't things I hope to do in the incoming year. The thing is though with the things i hope to do they don't all have to be done in this year, so i guess instead I'm gonna make a bucket list slowly but surely and hopefully thru out life x some out and add some new ones, and let them happen whenever they happen. I'm not forcing a set list of goals to accomplish in a year it doesn't make any sense to live life by a list predetermined before the year has even started, cause I don't know what will happen a day, or a month, into my year that could greatly alter what I would have set out to do. Also, I don't see the point of having to wait to January 1st of every year to change the things I want to change in my life, today is as good a day as any to make progress as well as happy, healthy, and good life choices to better myself.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
those movie moments...
giddy and giggling along side my beautiful sam on a sunny summer day. we sat there she and i loving life on the red line cta to the china town stop. i laugh as she points out every seemingly cute girl that catches her eye. i love the little things she notices that make each person beautiful in their own way. our stop is up and we stand and my attention is caught i catch his eye on my way out the shutting doors, i can feel myself start to blush. i hurry out the train cart and steal one last glance at the guy with the dark hair and leather jacket and i do that double take i feel myself wonder who he is and smile at him... just as the doors shut im sure i caught him smile too. then he was gone. the train was gone and as i walk down the steps i talk with sam about how i felt like i knew him and that i should have at least said hello... it was a moment in time and space i felt like i had lost a perfection connection with a stranger... just like in most of my favorite girly romance movies...fast forward a few months... and he messages me reminds me of that day out with my friend and much to my surprise, i did know him and he knew me and he realized just like i did a little too late to say hello. his reaction much like mine was delayed and the doors shut on him before he could get off the train to say hello to me. it was a wonderfully lost and hopeful point in my life, im just glad someone shared it with me and that now we can both now look back and smile fully aware of who the other is.
Friday, November 5, 2010
time...
October came and went it flew by so quickly. It brings both a smile to face and tears to my eyes. I have so much to be grateful for when I look back upon my past month. Yet, I also have such a heavy heart when I look back... I, as well as many others lost an amazing friend, brother, son, and family member the last day of October. With a heavy heart I have to look forward to my future and know he will not be part of it. I hope where ever he is now that he is at peace. I hope he is enjoying the clouds even more than he did when he was here with us. I hope he is doing what he loves to do creating beautiful images the way none of us who knew him could. I hope he has a calm sweet dream rest until we can meet again. love sleepyhair sleepyhead.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
feeling batty !
my night vision has been working!!! okay so October has been one amazing month in my life so far. My frown has been splattered across my face upside down and I am greatly enjoying the new perma-smile I have been proudly wearing!
Lets start with October 1 of this year... I missed out on going to First Friday at the Flat Iron building in Wicker Park with all of my amazing friends so that I could spend the evening with my even more amazing family. We played board games together into the darkening hours of the night. So many laughs and so many inside family jokes, oh and the pet names so embarrassing and so endearing. I wouldn't change my family for any other in the world. They are absolutely the best I could ever ask for. October 2 I was very blessed to be able to attend the Annual Pilsen Art Fest during the mid-afternoon with my good friends Vanessa and Liam. The company they keep me is one of love and laughter. Being able to view pieces of art in the presence of good company was a present in itself. Who ever it was that made the amazing trunk speakers I must say KUDOS to you two, twas the most interesting use of trunk i have seen in a long long time and I absolutely loved it. Then there was that evening! A rather good party that night, with some very interesting bathroom moments... Sharing a stall with about 6 other people when trying to pee or poop definitely makes you close to that group in a big way in a big rush... yet it was the people outside of the bathroom that blew up my little mind. getting to laugh with Vanessa any time we walked by each other. finding and unfinding Marina threw out the night. both PWT & TMY kept me highly entertained doing their thing, which always leaves me jaw dropped! Then to awesome we all went to wind down... The next few days involved plenty of me learning new dance concepts and drilling them over and over and over... oh did i say and over yet? -------------------fast forward to the weekend and skip a week of feeling all terribly cramped up... Oct.9 DANCE ROCK! after much complicated confusion of figuring out my method of transportation to this fine event I'm there! The sound of the loud whales singing a.k.a dubstep greets my ears and places a smile on my face the awesome bassphreaK played yet another good set. Clicking of cameras, clashing of clothing, crashing of control and the party was creating continuous memories for me. Rare is the chance I have had to be able to partake in watching the full circle of the horsemen under one roof. They all left me with new ideas, and awestruck inspiration to incorporate into my very own style of LIQUID. The chill afters held here at home with just Jason, Liam, Kai and me was comforting. Discussions of music and dance with pretentious noses held high cause we there sat knowing what the best of the best is when it comes to dance and music, undoubtedly of course. I have never met more music snobbish people in all my life and all I can say is I am proud to call them my friend for it saves my ears the pain of failed attempts at music which i will call unmusic. 10-10-10 i spent sleeping and recovering and enjoying the company of my friend turtle who payed a rare visit to my home. The 12th was practice with Liam and Plainest to the Whitest at the lab. The 13th was an amazing sketti and meat sauce dinner served with om-nom-nom garlic bread but the best part was the company of close friends. Might I add in that same night four of us climbed a tree, only one of us fell out, and none of us were injured! 15th had a wonderful lunch date with my mommy <3 who did not spare me any of the typical questions on my well being, she also did not fail to question the security of my safe sex practices, boy-o-boy do I love my mother. She is pleased to know she will not be a grandmother in any state of the immediate future. 16th Sweetest day. I attend a truly wonderful event! ONE LAST FUNDRAISER. The art was beautiful the people were amazing. The talent in that studio shined brighter than the city lights. It felt so nice to be sitting, standing, dancing, laughing, talking in a room full of some of the most terrific people who are not my blood family. I'd love to give thanks to Vanessa for putting a huge huge smile on my face with the thoughtful and kind gift she gave me that night. SO Vanessa if you are reading this I hope you know I am going to get a frame for it and that until then it will stay in its protective plastic taped up to my wall <3 ! Oct. 17. stayed in a big soft comfy white bed and awoke to the sound of door gently closing and a hula hoop landing on the floor. After a little while of getting ready and swapping dreams and reheating tacos we venture out into our Sunday night. Street College was the name of the event and it was held at The Orphanage for FREE. Yes for FREE and might I add for a free event it was way way way fresh!A soft ambient rainbow of colors illuminated by a mix of candles and dimmed lights. The smell of hot veggie soup in one corner and the scent of sweet smiles spreading over the space. A mix of street performers of all kinds from the amazing dancers, unicycle riders, and balloon twisters extraordinair
they came i saw we shared! The view from the steeple of the castle like bell tower I was able to see due to the amazing tour of the Lutheran church was absolutely breath taking. The city shined a dusty pink in awareness of breast cancer month.I looked my fear of heights in the face and walked all over it and up above it on a few sets of rickety rung missing ladders. Fast forward to right now October 20. Wear Purple Day! Today I am wearing purple clothing to raise awareness that no longer will we tolerate the harassment of gay/lesbian people world wide. No more I say should we let others continue on with their ignorant hate crimes against other human beings just because of whom they choose to love! To all my gay/lesbian friends/family and to all others who I do not know, keep holding on stay here with us fight with us for your rights as a human being to love freely whomever you choose. It will get better I and so many others support you. Always with LOVE, Delila <3
Lets start with October 1 of this year... I missed out on going to First Friday at the Flat Iron building in Wicker Park with all of my amazing friends so that I could spend the evening with my even more amazing family. We played board games together into the darkening hours of the night. So many laughs and so many inside family jokes, oh and the pet names so embarrassing and so endearing. I wouldn't change my family for any other in the world. They are absolutely the best I could ever ask for. October 2 I was very blessed to be able to attend the Annual Pilsen Art Fest during the mid-afternoon with my good friends Vanessa and Liam. The company they keep me is one of love and laughter. Being able to view pieces of art in the presence of good company was a present in itself. Who ever it was that made the amazing trunk speakers I must say KUDOS to you two, twas the most interesting use of trunk i have seen in a long long time and I absolutely loved it. Then there was that evening! A rather good party that night, with some very interesting bathroom moments... Sharing a stall with about 6 other people when trying to pee or poop definitely makes you close to that group in a big way in a big rush... yet it was the people outside of the bathroom that blew up my little mind. getting to laugh with Vanessa any time we walked by each other. finding and unfinding Marina threw out the night. both PWT & TMY kept me highly entertained doing their thing, which always leaves me jaw dropped! Then to awesome we all went to wind down... The next few days involved plenty of me learning new dance concepts and drilling them over and over and over... oh did i say and over yet? -------------------fast forward to the weekend and skip a week of feeling all terribly cramped up... Oct.9 DANCE ROCK! after much complicated confusion of figuring out my method of transportation to this fine event I'm there! The sound of the loud whales singing a.k.a dubstep greets my ears and places a smile on my face the awesome bassphreaK played yet another good set. Clicking of cameras, clashing of clothing, crashing of control and the party was creating continuous memories for me. Rare is the chance I have had to be able to partake in watching the full circle of the horsemen under one roof. They all left me with new ideas, and awestruck inspiration to incorporate into my very own style of LIQUID. The chill afters held here at home with just Jason, Liam, Kai and me was comforting. Discussions of music and dance with pretentious noses held high cause we there sat knowing what the best of the best is when it comes to dance and music, undoubtedly of course. I have never met more music snobbish people in all my life and all I can say is I am proud to call them my friend for it saves my ears the pain of failed attempts at music which i will call unmusic. 10-10-10 i spent sleeping and recovering and enjoying the company of my friend turtle who payed a rare visit to my home. The 12th was practice with Liam and Plainest to the Whitest at the lab. The 13th was an amazing sketti and meat sauce dinner served with om-nom-nom garlic bread but the best part was the company of close friends. Might I add in that same night four of us climbed a tree, only one of us fell out, and none of us were injured! 15th had a wonderful lunch date with my mommy <3 who did not spare me any of the typical questions on my well being, she also did not fail to question the security of my safe sex practices, boy-o-boy do I love my mother. She is pleased to know she will not be a grandmother in any state of the immediate future. 16th Sweetest day. I attend a truly wonderful event! ONE LAST FUNDRAISER. The art was beautiful the people were amazing. The talent in that studio shined brighter than the city lights. It felt so nice to be sitting, standing, dancing, laughing, talking in a room full of some of the most terrific people who are not my blood family. I'd love to give thanks to Vanessa for putting a huge huge smile on my face with the thoughtful and kind gift she gave me that night. SO Vanessa if you are reading this I hope you know I am going to get a frame for it and that until then it will stay in its protective plastic taped up to my wall <3 ! Oct. 17. stayed in a big soft comfy white bed and awoke to the sound of door gently closing and a hula hoop landing on the floor. After a little while of getting ready and swapping dreams and reheating tacos we venture out into our Sunday night. Street College was the name of the event and it was held at The Orphanage for FREE. Yes for FREE and might I add for a free event it was way way way fresh!A soft ambient rainbow of colors illuminated by a mix of candles and dimmed lights. The smell of hot veggie soup in one corner and the scent of sweet smiles spreading over the space. A mix of street performers of all kinds from the amazing dancers, unicycle riders, and balloon twisters extraordinair
they came i saw we shared! The view from the steeple of the castle like bell tower I was able to see due to the amazing tour of the Lutheran church was absolutely breath taking. The city shined a dusty pink in awareness of breast cancer month.I looked my fear of heights in the face and walked all over it and up above it on a few sets of rickety rung missing ladders. Fast forward to right now October 20. Wear Purple Day! Today I am wearing purple clothing to raise awareness that no longer will we tolerate the harassment of gay/lesbian people world wide. No more I say should we let others continue on with their ignorant hate crimes against other human beings just because of whom they choose to love! To all my gay/lesbian friends/family and to all others who I do not know, keep holding on stay here with us fight with us for your rights as a human being to love freely whomever you choose. It will get better I and so many others support you. Always with LOVE, Delila <3
Friday, October 8, 2010
"walking on sunshine"... isnt that flying???
im happy with the choices ive made up until this point in my life. i dont regret following my heart and living. "im walking on sunshine" and it sure does feel good not all day everyday but at least once a day and it is so worth it.
clipping wings... feathers and other things...
my candles burn bright, i burn brighter they help my room and heart feel lighter. they glow and i feel it in my soul. i turn them on to make myself feel better something about writing in candle light makes me feel like it will all be alright. these sentences i write they come and they go,some take flight and others fall into the night. i know what i want to say but im afraid to. im afraid of letting my feelings be known. for knowledge is power and when it comes to my feelings im just not sure i want anyone to have that sort of control over me and my being.
ive been dancing more lately than before. the concepts make more and more sense to me daily. and the community the dance provides for me continually inspires me. they are a set of amazing people and im proud to call them my friends. from our talks about hannah barbra cartoons (kai = great gazoo, delila = dizzy devil, jason = shaggy, and rob = marvin the martain... more to come.) to tattoos, music, dance, life, travel, love, and so much more i wouldnt trade them not for a single moment. they are helping me open my eyes, grow as a person and mature. i love them. (and if you'd like to know where to find them floasis.net is the place to start). Liquid dancing is a huge part of my life now. It fills a part of me that i didnt know was missing until it found me.
ive been thinking about the things i want out of life, the things i want to accomplish and kick off of my bucket list. and sadly the list keeps growing but nothing is getting crossed off. i need to make myself do what it is i dream to do while i still have time on this earth to do so.
and this becoming a woman thing, this becoming an adult thing is tuff. feels like reality ruffles my feathers more and more daily. the word jaded is becoming more and more familiar to me and that scares me. where is the love? where is the peace? ( im looking for it, looking for it inside of me.)
i've been wearing this heavy heart for a few days now and it just doesnt suit me. i miss my smile.
ive been dancing more lately than before. the concepts make more and more sense to me daily. and the community the dance provides for me continually inspires me. they are a set of amazing people and im proud to call them my friends. from our talks about hannah barbra cartoons (kai = great gazoo, delila = dizzy devil, jason = shaggy, and rob = marvin the martain... more to come.) to tattoos, music, dance, life, travel, love, and so much more i wouldnt trade them not for a single moment. they are helping me open my eyes, grow as a person and mature. i love them. (and if you'd like to know where to find them floasis.net is the place to start). Liquid dancing is a huge part of my life now. It fills a part of me that i didnt know was missing until it found me.
ive been thinking about the things i want out of life, the things i want to accomplish and kick off of my bucket list. and sadly the list keeps growing but nothing is getting crossed off. i need to make myself do what it is i dream to do while i still have time on this earth to do so.
and this becoming a woman thing, this becoming an adult thing is tuff. feels like reality ruffles my feathers more and more daily. the word jaded is becoming more and more familiar to me and that scares me. where is the love? where is the peace? ( im looking for it, looking for it inside of me.)
i've been wearing this heavy heart for a few days now and it just doesnt suit me. i miss my smile.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
oh my life is one trip through the clouds
and then the alligators ate the animal circus parade riding on their backs in the clouds and we knew "we had seen it all". up the stairs, through the two doors, turn right, turn left,up the stairs, through the door to the left, a few steps into the room, open the window, grab 2 pillows and 2 blankets on the way out, step onto the mini roof big enough for three and there sat we: marina, flozel, and me. the closing hoorah to our night was watching sunrise over the city I-90/94 highway. I recommended a chilly sunrise with good friends and great imaginations on the first fall feeling day of the year.
was my weekend fun of course it was surrounded by friends who never let me fall behind and a smile spread across my face so big i was incapable of talking. no joke so in awe i couldn't speak properly for hours... i danced boy oh boy did i dance... liquid and i are starting to flow together in and out of my mind and body... loving the music, liquid and i.
decisions decisions decisions... i don't know where i stand on certain subjects sometimes and having to make up my mind is such a daunting task... i want to do the right thing and it never seems to be right. i want to make life okay for me and everyone i know and i can't... no matter what i decide to do someone will get hurt. but if i don't make up my mind i will sit and suffer with my confusion. rot in my own mind and continue to waste my time. i cant make everyone happy i just cant and it tears me up inside... but there i go again trying to please everyone but me. never putting how i feel first as if i don't matter. as if how i feel shouldn't be the most important aspect in my decision making. i never speak up for how i feel about things, i always put the feelings of others in front of mine and never actually get what i want. i continually give myself the short end of the stick and its just not fair to me anymore. its time for me to ask Delila "what does Delila want" and "how does Delila get that". Delila needs to figure out what makes Delila happy and run with it even if it doesn't make others happy because at the end of the day Delila is sure others will do what makes them happy regardless of what Delila wants.
was my weekend fun of course it was surrounded by friends who never let me fall behind and a smile spread across my face so big i was incapable of talking. no joke so in awe i couldn't speak properly for hours... i danced boy oh boy did i dance... liquid and i are starting to flow together in and out of my mind and body... loving the music, liquid and i.
decisions decisions decisions... i don't know where i stand on certain subjects sometimes and having to make up my mind is such a daunting task... i want to do the right thing and it never seems to be right. i want to make life okay for me and everyone i know and i can't... no matter what i decide to do someone will get hurt. but if i don't make up my mind i will sit and suffer with my confusion. rot in my own mind and continue to waste my time. i cant make everyone happy i just cant and it tears me up inside... but there i go again trying to please everyone but me. never putting how i feel first as if i don't matter. as if how i feel shouldn't be the most important aspect in my decision making. i never speak up for how i feel about things, i always put the feelings of others in front of mine and never actually get what i want. i continually give myself the short end of the stick and its just not fair to me anymore. its time for me to ask Delila "what does Delila want" and "how does Delila get that". Delila needs to figure out what makes Delila happy and run with it even if it doesn't make others happy because at the end of the day Delila is sure others will do what makes them happy regardless of what Delila wants.
Friday, June 18, 2010
didnt even notice it had been this long.
so much has happened from the time i wrote last up until current. my party life is winding down and i love the change of pace. i'm ready to enjoy the earth again its beauty, and thanks to a friend now more than ever i want to learn a way to help preserve it. i can say that these last 2 maybe 3 weeks i have been growing at an alarming rate mentally, artistically, emotionally, and in all the ways that count for when joining the realm of adulthood. please don't get me wrong i know i am still a child but i am not unaware of the fact that the time to not waste in my life is now. the time to build for my future is present and that i must not let it be overshadowed by the flashing lights in the most literal sense. yes it is okay to have fun, but by no means should fun be the only thing my life consist of. i need to prepare for my future and its something that i should have been working on yesterday a year ago... i'm learning that passion and persistence are the key to getting where you want to go and where you need to be, i am also dually learning that along the way it is okay to indulge in the present. so long as enjoying the right now is done after the preparation for my future has been worked on. i'm discovering this thing called self worth and i have plenty that is worth more than anyone person can put a price on. i have to stop selling myself short and just try the worst i can do is not get it right the first time around. cause trying doesn't mean doing something once and quitting. it means continually working towards the larger goal and finding the errors and fixing them along the way. i want to work on my life again. i want to remember what made me happy before and so i did some digging into my past and into my family. it has been there all along. what i love has not changed and i doubt it ever will. fear stopped me from attempting my goal once before this time it doesn't stand a chance.i want to teach kindergarten and i am going to do it. i love children they are the most perfect beings in the universe right now and i want to be there to remind them that they are amazing just as is and can do all they want if they really want it. i want to teach it is my life goal. on the side of teaching there are dozens of things i want to do but none are as deeply set in my heart as teaching is.
i want to say thank you to a friend who has been giving me advice when i seek it, and that has the patience to not wig out on me for still being a child and can see i'm finally just starting to grow into me. so thank you it means so very much to me.
thats all for this post. i've got some soul searching and thinking to do and i want to write a personal entry in my journal just for me.
i want to say thank you to a friend who has been giving me advice when i seek it, and that has the patience to not wig out on me for still being a child and can see i'm finally just starting to grow into me. so thank you it means so very much to me.
thats all for this post. i've got some soul searching and thinking to do and i want to write a personal entry in my journal just for me.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Time And I Flew at Spring Fever P.2
where do i even begin the day that was part two to spring fever?
wake up!!! shower.shower.shower. wait around for hunger to kick in. a few more showers. finally we are out the door. just me and the guys. taking a nice little walk to Paul Bunions a place that supposedly has killer food. I'm spinning lights all the way there. multiple camera shots, laughs, giggles, and we finally arrive. Before we even step inside we see what happens to be a lumber jack version of what i think Goliath would be he is a huge huge statue. So of course our littlest guy friend has to pretend to be David and sock him one in the nuts. kudos to you my good sir :) . we get inside to be welcomed by a gift shop. if ya ask me a gift shop right in the entrance of any restaurant is just tacky... i take one quick look at the menu and already my mind is yelling full force don't you dare eat ribs at this time of day... so while the guys decide if their tummy's can handle ribs and what not i play with the large wind chimes as obnoxiously as i can. no one can handle the menu and we bounce out of that place. best part is we end up walking all the way back from where we started to go the the Denny's we originally said we should have gone to... we all order breakfast foods. and i swear we had the nicest waitress ever. she gave me a whole free cup of juice when i asked to sample the crazy new beverages at no extra cost to me but a smile :).
we arrive back at the hotel. tons and tons of roaming the hallways gets done. tons of sitting in the room waiting patiently for the night to hit gets done. tons of talking, laughing, bickering, smiling, and finally some damn swimming is all accomplished. slowly but surely the rest of our crew makes it out to us. yet the night is still not here. more hanging out only the way we know how is done. and its time. we all look at each other giggles and anticipation rising we say our cheers to one another. and the night begins...
I am not sure how anyone else spent their night. I am not sure if anyone had as good a time as I did. What I do know is that i did more things in that one night than I probably had in the last 5 months weekends put together. I can't recall the night in its entirety, what I do remember however was
~ Spinning lights outside in a parking lot, on the way to another hotel, on a ledge, on 2 stages, in the main room, in the hallways, in the pool, in the hot tub, in our room, in a strangers room, on a strangers bed, and in the main lobby.
~ Swimming!! Lots and Lots of Swimming! Fully dressed! Wearing a tutu under water, and feeling like a mermaid... Jumping into the Deep end of the pool not knowing how to swim finally getting over my fear of deep water! (Mind you I was successfully able to recruit every person in the pool and the hot tub to stand around the pool with me and all of jump in at the same time to help me get over my fear and check something off my bucket list. I am so thankful to everyone who jumped with me.)Dancing with my friends and new people and my boyfriend under water was liberating!!!
~Playing Call Of DUTY MODERN WARFARE 2 while jumping on a bed soaking wet with a group of girls I had never met all while laughing!!!
~Seeing Silkworms in a blossoming tree spinning silk, doing an elaborate dance under the spring moon. Shared that beautiful moment with the universe and a new best friend of mine.
~Dancing!!!Dancing!!!Dancing!!!and might I add some more DANCING! Tons of liquid dancing was done! I danced my little butt off! I also diced some people to tiny little pieces with my miming routine :). Man, the dancing done that night done by my friends and I was all sorts of amazing and odd and inspirational and entertaining. I love them.
~Hoola Hoops and Jump Ropes! Need I say more???
~Random hopeless adventure to find my missing TUTU at 6 in the morning... Hooray It was returned to me the following day but that is a whole other story!
~But what I remember most about that evening was a sense of unity. No matter where we were in the hotel no matter how many times we lost and found each other no matter anything there was a sense of unity. It was more than crystal clear that we were all friends that we were all always looking out for one another and were all concerned with the happiness of the people we call friends. It was a beautiful party but more importantly it was an amazing vacation that helped us just enjoy the time we do have with each other. I love them.
Part 3 will be posted soon... til then... "this is the story of a girl"
wake up!!! shower.shower.shower. wait around for hunger to kick in. a few more showers. finally we are out the door. just me and the guys. taking a nice little walk to Paul Bunions a place that supposedly has killer food. I'm spinning lights all the way there. multiple camera shots, laughs, giggles, and we finally arrive. Before we even step inside we see what happens to be a lumber jack version of what i think Goliath would be he is a huge huge statue. So of course our littlest guy friend has to pretend to be David and sock him one in the nuts. kudos to you my good sir :) . we get inside to be welcomed by a gift shop. if ya ask me a gift shop right in the entrance of any restaurant is just tacky... i take one quick look at the menu and already my mind is yelling full force don't you dare eat ribs at this time of day... so while the guys decide if their tummy's can handle ribs and what not i play with the large wind chimes as obnoxiously as i can. no one can handle the menu and we bounce out of that place. best part is we end up walking all the way back from where we started to go the the Denny's we originally said we should have gone to... we all order breakfast foods. and i swear we had the nicest waitress ever. she gave me a whole free cup of juice when i asked to sample the crazy new beverages at no extra cost to me but a smile :).
we arrive back at the hotel. tons and tons of roaming the hallways gets done. tons of sitting in the room waiting patiently for the night to hit gets done. tons of talking, laughing, bickering, smiling, and finally some damn swimming is all accomplished. slowly but surely the rest of our crew makes it out to us. yet the night is still not here. more hanging out only the way we know how is done. and its time. we all look at each other giggles and anticipation rising we say our cheers to one another. and the night begins...
I am not sure how anyone else spent their night. I am not sure if anyone had as good a time as I did. What I do know is that i did more things in that one night than I probably had in the last 5 months weekends put together. I can't recall the night in its entirety, what I do remember however was
~ Spinning lights outside in a parking lot, on the way to another hotel, on a ledge, on 2 stages, in the main room, in the hallways, in the pool, in the hot tub, in our room, in a strangers room, on a strangers bed, and in the main lobby.
~ Swimming!! Lots and Lots of Swimming! Fully dressed! Wearing a tutu under water, and feeling like a mermaid... Jumping into the Deep end of the pool not knowing how to swim finally getting over my fear of deep water! (Mind you I was successfully able to recruit every person in the pool and the hot tub to stand around the pool with me and all of jump in at the same time to help me get over my fear and check something off my bucket list. I am so thankful to everyone who jumped with me.)Dancing with my friends and new people and my boyfriend under water was liberating!!!
~Playing Call Of DUTY MODERN WARFARE 2 while jumping on a bed soaking wet with a group of girls I had never met all while laughing!!!
~Seeing Silkworms in a blossoming tree spinning silk, doing an elaborate dance under the spring moon. Shared that beautiful moment with the universe and a new best friend of mine.
~Dancing!!!Dancing!!!Dancing!!!and might I add some more DANCING! Tons of liquid dancing was done! I danced my little butt off! I also diced some people to tiny little pieces with my miming routine :). Man, the dancing done that night done by my friends and I was all sorts of amazing and odd and inspirational and entertaining. I love them.
~Hoola Hoops and Jump Ropes! Need I say more???
~Random hopeless adventure to find my missing TUTU at 6 in the morning... Hooray It was returned to me the following day but that is a whole other story!
~But what I remember most about that evening was a sense of unity. No matter where we were in the hotel no matter how many times we lost and found each other no matter anything there was a sense of unity. It was more than crystal clear that we were all friends that we were all always looking out for one another and were all concerned with the happiness of the people we call friends. It was a beautiful party but more importantly it was an amazing vacation that helped us just enjoy the time we do have with each other. I love them.
Part 3 will be posted soon... til then... "this is the story of a girl"
Thursday, May 20, 2010
News Flash
Everything I write and say has already been said and written.
Everything I think is already someone else's old news.
Isn't it great being unique?... I'm just like you.
I am so lost in my head today...
Everything I think is already someone else's old news.
Isn't it great being unique?... I'm just like you.
I am so lost in my head today...
Monday, May 3, 2010
Time and I Flew at Spring Fever!
what a weekend... i have not enough words to describe the chaos that is and was the beautiful amazing time i had that weekend... no way can i tell the story well enough no possible way for me to capture the amazing funtastic time that i had with my friends the family i got to choose and that chose me. i love them i truly do.
i guess lets start with the car ride to our car ride. getting dressed and undressed in the car. can you yell awkward and exciting. freeing myself of my everyday clothing and shedding into my rainbow colored skin. my makeup and clothing in every color under the shining sun. then a lovely walk around meijer in my lovely clothing mind you I'm the only one in a tutu and knee high rainbow socks and tube top in the whole place. my company in the store looked ever so normal in comparison. oh for the lovely smiles i shared with those who gave me glares.
finally get to the car we are suppose to be in. i slept most of the way i mean the only time i spent up was to make HENRY his sign. i slept the rest of the way. woke up to being rushed out of the car with bags weighing down each arm. and realizing it was a tad nipply out side... but still sweet weather.
longest check in to a hotel i have ever experienced followed the placement of a not fitting wrist band... finding the room to stay in was easy as pie. a nice little view over looking the pool, one that was shortly known to be perfect for watching silly people do silly dances and cannon balls. shortly after settling in the rest of the crew files in. its all laughs from then on senseless wandering of the halls, wandering between rooms, finding out who is where as we prepare for the weekend.
the music in the small room that night was meh. i much more preferred watching my amazing friends dislike the music as much as i did; they made up ridiculous dances to song lyrics that were strictly dedicated to sucking penis... i don't need to further explain the silliness that goes along with that. we dipped out of that room just in time to not further damage our ears for life. more roaming of the hall ways. splitting up into smaller groups then ending up along then forming other groups and somehow all ending up in the room at the same time most of the night.
a few photo shoots done with [R]andomus on the speakers set up in the main room that would be used the next night. Click, click, click no flash and still amazing shots. Friends peeking thru their curtains seeing what is going on in the near empty room. Smiles and waves shared with no hold back of laughter. Curtain close and i string for the first time. If you don't know what stringing is... {its a dance done with glow sticks on strings spinning in orbs to the beat of electronic dance music}.... My stringing guru explains the pull and force motion as i will call it to me. I watch him perform. Then i begin, suddenly it is just me and the lights. This type of loneliness i love. Its the type of loneliness that consumes me in concentration, makes me strive for perfection, helps me escape from the worries of the world. I become so alone i didn't notice my guru had been long gone. Strings wrapped so tight around my hands they begin to fall to sleep. Unlucky timing for me two drunk men. Completely harmless amazed by my very few stringing skills and just wanting to try them out themselves. So i let them... My guru returns further amazes them and they with their drunk self-conscience selves say thank you and take their leave. My guru and i spin on. I have now a healthy light spinning addiction...
Make it back to the room. granola bars passed around, candy fills our bellies. and we go for another walk. More photos taken. Secret rooms found and lost again. Laughter fills the halls and we get lost and found again between the maze like walls. Vending machine blunders... And back to the room again... TV is blaring and we talk over the static sound of cartoons all of us fighting to not be in control of the remote control... all war is ended as we fall to sleep snores humming under the sound of the TV... shared beds and blankets. too hot and too cold. perfect harmony. and we sleep.
that was all Friday night. i will write about Saturday night soon. tis all for now. currently a smile from ear to ear.
i guess lets start with the car ride to our car ride. getting dressed and undressed in the car. can you yell awkward and exciting. freeing myself of my everyday clothing and shedding into my rainbow colored skin. my makeup and clothing in every color under the shining sun. then a lovely walk around meijer in my lovely clothing mind you I'm the only one in a tutu and knee high rainbow socks and tube top in the whole place. my company in the store looked ever so normal in comparison. oh for the lovely smiles i shared with those who gave me glares.
finally get to the car we are suppose to be in. i slept most of the way i mean the only time i spent up was to make HENRY his sign. i slept the rest of the way. woke up to being rushed out of the car with bags weighing down each arm. and realizing it was a tad nipply out side... but still sweet weather.
longest check in to a hotel i have ever experienced followed the placement of a not fitting wrist band... finding the room to stay in was easy as pie. a nice little view over looking the pool, one that was shortly known to be perfect for watching silly people do silly dances and cannon balls. shortly after settling in the rest of the crew files in. its all laughs from then on senseless wandering of the halls, wandering between rooms, finding out who is where as we prepare for the weekend.
the music in the small room that night was meh. i much more preferred watching my amazing friends dislike the music as much as i did; they made up ridiculous dances to song lyrics that were strictly dedicated to sucking penis... i don't need to further explain the silliness that goes along with that. we dipped out of that room just in time to not further damage our ears for life. more roaming of the hall ways. splitting up into smaller groups then ending up along then forming other groups and somehow all ending up in the room at the same time most of the night.
a few photo shoots done with [R]andomus on the speakers set up in the main room that would be used the next night. Click, click, click no flash and still amazing shots. Friends peeking thru their curtains seeing what is going on in the near empty room. Smiles and waves shared with no hold back of laughter. Curtain close and i string for the first time. If you don't know what stringing is... {its a dance done with glow sticks on strings spinning in orbs to the beat of electronic dance music}.... My stringing guru explains the pull and force motion as i will call it to me. I watch him perform. Then i begin, suddenly it is just me and the lights. This type of loneliness i love. Its the type of loneliness that consumes me in concentration, makes me strive for perfection, helps me escape from the worries of the world. I become so alone i didn't notice my guru had been long gone. Strings wrapped so tight around my hands they begin to fall to sleep. Unlucky timing for me two drunk men. Completely harmless amazed by my very few stringing skills and just wanting to try them out themselves. So i let them... My guru returns further amazes them and they with their drunk self-conscience selves say thank you and take their leave. My guru and i spin on. I have now a healthy light spinning addiction...
Make it back to the room. granola bars passed around, candy fills our bellies. and we go for another walk. More photos taken. Secret rooms found and lost again. Laughter fills the halls and we get lost and found again between the maze like walls. Vending machine blunders... And back to the room again... TV is blaring and we talk over the static sound of cartoons all of us fighting to not be in control of the remote control... all war is ended as we fall to sleep snores humming under the sound of the TV... shared beds and blankets. too hot and too cold. perfect harmony. and we sleep.
that was all Friday night. i will write about Saturday night soon. tis all for now. currently a smile from ear to ear.
Monday, April 19, 2010
im no swan when it comes to dancing...
it has been a rocky road as of late luckily I'm referring to the ice cream. some times sweet sometimes a little nutty.
today i used dance to escape. i escaped the world and myself dancing today. recorded myself and all so i have something to critique. to learn from to work past. i danced until my muscles ached and until i was sweating and until my body burned. i danced til i got dizzy. i danced and forgot momentarily that anything besides music existed. today i danced.
I've been really confused as of late unsure of many things and yet in the mist of great amounts of confusion, i have learned. i have learned who is worth risking pouring my heart out to and who is not. i am learning to let others deal the hands they are dealt and play the ones given to me to the best of my ability. I'm learning that love is the most beautiful pains i will ever get the honor to feel. I'm learning the right thing is typically the hardest thing to do and still the most rewarding thing to get done.
since this year has started i have made and lost old and new friends, and i cant say that i am disappointed with the way things have turned out. I've had my share of pain and tears with them but what I'm choosing to keep close to my heart are the smiles and laughter we shared. i want to remember all the people i called friend for the best them they put out there. i want to remember the face of them smiling loving laughing and living.
I'm working on my relationship with my family. things are getting better. tons better to be honest. I'm calling my family more. keeping in touch more often. visiting them more often. being more open and honest about who i am, what i do, and who i spend my time with. they have been amazingly understanding so far. its nice to have a family that loves me regardless of where i have been cause at least i am who i am today. i feel like they are becoming my safety net again. its beautiful to feel part of my family instead of feeling like i am watching my family. they know i rave and they know i love to dance. two big parts of my life lately. i have even gone as far as sharing my poetry with them.
Ive done a ton of self discovery this past month. begun to see the side of me that i would like to keep around. i want to thank you for helping me open up my eyes. means more than i can express in words. mahal kita.
today i used dance to escape. i escaped the world and myself dancing today. recorded myself and all so i have something to critique. to learn from to work past. i danced until my muscles ached and until i was sweating and until my body burned. i danced til i got dizzy. i danced and forgot momentarily that anything besides music existed. today i danced.
I've been really confused as of late unsure of many things and yet in the mist of great amounts of confusion, i have learned. i have learned who is worth risking pouring my heart out to and who is not. i am learning to let others deal the hands they are dealt and play the ones given to me to the best of my ability. I'm learning that love is the most beautiful pains i will ever get the honor to feel. I'm learning the right thing is typically the hardest thing to do and still the most rewarding thing to get done.
since this year has started i have made and lost old and new friends, and i cant say that i am disappointed with the way things have turned out. I've had my share of pain and tears with them but what I'm choosing to keep close to my heart are the smiles and laughter we shared. i want to remember all the people i called friend for the best them they put out there. i want to remember the face of them smiling loving laughing and living.
I'm working on my relationship with my family. things are getting better. tons better to be honest. I'm calling my family more. keeping in touch more often. visiting them more often. being more open and honest about who i am, what i do, and who i spend my time with. they have been amazingly understanding so far. its nice to have a family that loves me regardless of where i have been cause at least i am who i am today. i feel like they are becoming my safety net again. its beautiful to feel part of my family instead of feeling like i am watching my family. they know i rave and they know i love to dance. two big parts of my life lately. i have even gone as far as sharing my poetry with them.
Ive done a ton of self discovery this past month. begun to see the side of me that i would like to keep around. i want to thank you for helping me open up my eyes. means more than i can express in words. mahal kita.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
i think i might just fall if i keep flying to him
falling. why in the world is that term associated with pain so often? sometimes falling is the best thing to do when everything is falling apart... fell on the bed im sitting on now and typing this up... regina spektor "fidelity" is playing in the background of my mind and on the speakers of my laptop...
im enjoying right now. the silent chaos of my thoughts is comforting. im happy. i just realized i didnt finish my last post and thats okay cause i feel like the night was too good to put an ending to anyways...
my life has changed so much since i posted that last blog... i mean so so so much has changed but yet still not that much has.
i am feeling stuck as i write this so much i want to say but dont know what i should keep to myself most of it im sure...
i think the way i feel about someone is dangerous. the possibility of getting hurt is always worth it though at least i always hope it is. and with this person i am sure it is. but there is no rush i cn wait and wait and wait on this one. i want to get to know this one inside out backwards fowards sideways and in all other possible ways.
last relationship ended... hurt like crazy. still hurts at times only when i stop to think about it. wanted it to work... it didn't. i cant always get what i want. i hope he does...
family. im working things out with them. sewing patches over the tears. building new bridges from my heart to thiers. its hard and i felt hurt still do at times but im forgiving these days not forgetting but forgiving. i want to feel like i can turn to them for anything at any time everytime. its just not feeling easy to do that right now but i am working on it.
i cried tonight. cried cause i was accepting my life as just that life. and i feel relieved. and i feel so blessed to have a friend who cares about me enough to listen and to love me. i feel blessed to have friends i can call family. i love them truly.
thats all i got right now. i cant do this right now. i need to think. im too into my head right now to get it out in this blog... will try again tomorrow.
im enjoying right now. the silent chaos of my thoughts is comforting. im happy. i just realized i didnt finish my last post and thats okay cause i feel like the night was too good to put an ending to anyways...
my life has changed so much since i posted that last blog... i mean so so so much has changed but yet still not that much has.
i am feeling stuck as i write this so much i want to say but dont know what i should keep to myself most of it im sure...
i think the way i feel about someone is dangerous. the possibility of getting hurt is always worth it though at least i always hope it is. and with this person i am sure it is. but there is no rush i cn wait and wait and wait on this one. i want to get to know this one inside out backwards fowards sideways and in all other possible ways.
last relationship ended... hurt like crazy. still hurts at times only when i stop to think about it. wanted it to work... it didn't. i cant always get what i want. i hope he does...
family. im working things out with them. sewing patches over the tears. building new bridges from my heart to thiers. its hard and i felt hurt still do at times but im forgiving these days not forgetting but forgiving. i want to feel like i can turn to them for anything at any time everytime. its just not feeling easy to do that right now but i am working on it.
i cried tonight. cried cause i was accepting my life as just that life. and i feel relieved. and i feel so blessed to have a friend who cares about me enough to listen and to love me. i feel blessed to have friends i can call family. i love them truly.
thats all i got right now. i cant do this right now. i need to think. im too into my head right now to get it out in this blog... will try again tomorrow.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
i wrote this on Feb.23.2010
~whole heartedly he said it to me
lying straight thru his teeth
one day i will knock her off her feet~
as i write this i can feel each of my muscles screamingat me for the extended of use ive put them thru... as if packing and moving wasnt enough for them.ive been trying to successfully complete the most basic of dance moves...(and i still am not getting them right, its paniful to watch how badly i train wreck the few moves i have been taught...)
~begin to cry.stop. turn around.pick up a smile. throw out a frown.~
so now my vocabulary consist of the words: dance, liquid, popping, locking, breaking, waving, robot, digits, flowing, connecting,house, break beats, dub step, womp, braiding: and if my brain didnt feel like it was over loaded with information there would probably be more words in that list.
JUGGERNAUT! if ou can say the word amazing you have just made an understatement to how cool the even was. (side note: ethan win it! thank you so very much for getting me to JUGGERNAUT! i had an amazing and "spectacular/spectacular" time.) now for anyone who claims to have seen a UFO has not seen the lights that illuminated the stage at JUGGERNAUT! So far they have the dopest light set up i have ever seen. oh and i couldnt have been happier that plain white tom was the m.c. that got my night started. he generates a type of get up and move dont be shy energy that is unlike any other. i can seriusly say appreciate the way he momentarily steps off stage to round up and hype the peope up that are on the dance floor. amazing vibes tom. ah, the music. man, the dj's kept me moving the whole night. i swear at some point when they were spinning it was like they were playing the beating of my heart. yet, nothing at all that night captivated me more than the dancing the fine gentlemen of floasis did that night. hour upon hour they
~whole heartedly he said it to me
lying straight thru his teeth
one day i will knock her off her feet~
as i write this i can feel each of my muscles screamingat me for the extended of use ive put them thru... as if packing and moving wasnt enough for them.ive been trying to successfully complete the most basic of dance moves...(and i still am not getting them right, its paniful to watch how badly i train wreck the few moves i have been taught...)
~begin to cry.stop. turn around.pick up a smile. throw out a frown.~
so now my vocabulary consist of the words: dance, liquid, popping, locking, breaking, waving, robot, digits, flowing, connecting,house, break beats, dub step, womp, braiding: and if my brain didnt feel like it was over loaded with information there would probably be more words in that list.
JUGGERNAUT! if ou can say the word amazing you have just made an understatement to how cool the even was. (side note: ethan win it! thank you so very much for getting me to JUGGERNAUT! i had an amazing and "spectacular/spectacular" time.) now for anyone who claims to have seen a UFO has not seen the lights that illuminated the stage at JUGGERNAUT! So far they have the dopest light set up i have ever seen. oh and i couldnt have been happier that plain white tom was the m.c. that got my night started. he generates a type of get up and move dont be shy energy that is unlike any other. i can seriusly say appreciate the way he momentarily steps off stage to round up and hype the peope up that are on the dance floor. amazing vibes tom. ah, the music. man, the dj's kept me moving the whole night. i swear at some point when they were spinning it was like they were playing the beating of my heart. yet, nothing at all that night captivated me more than the dancing the fine gentlemen of floasis did that night. hour upon hour they
Thursday, February 25, 2010
somedays i am a penguin...
feb 7.2010
train talks and bull shit walks
metra needs to get its fucking act together. meth smoking on the train calling hte cops and 25 minute delays. oh and waiting for the train in the cold while people are in their car all damn warm watching me do my version of dancing. i look like a crazy and its okay cause its all about the dance and me anwyays.
feb ? 2010
i dont have a whole messy sotry to give any of you for this particular day and in fact i dont remember exactly waht day it was... i think it was the 12th or the 13th... all i know is that the following words were my thoughts.
let the earth breathe
stay on the beach, feel the sand and the sun take baths in the lone
i am okay with my world being shaken in the end i am all shattered and all stable
the emptiness is consuming and i am all too inviting
life is in constant motion and the world trembles i am so pleased to be sturdy
there is so much life i dont know about
i am so lost i am found
its okay to feel lost in life just means you are still looking for yourself and that is a beautiful life long journey
the names were there and then they wre gone and i still wrote on
i am my presence i can not give you anything more myself
i can feel my life getting ready to change... all the time
i can find the scary me within my mind and within the scary me i can find peace hope and tranquility
i kept slipping sliding stumbling and falling but i also kept taking that next step
i have what it takes to get back up
i know how it was suppost to look and how it was suppose to feel then i met you, you shook that up in a violent way. i love you. thank you and im okay.
my mind is both a beautiful and dangerous place living in constant cahso within my body and yet i can find a balance of sorts what i will call my inner harmony
everyday is a life celebration
how can nearly every exit really be an entrance and how can nrearly every entrance be an exit
each stip i take in the opposite direction makes it easier to no go back and continue walking away
i am complete all on my own you happen to be an amazing bonus in my life i am me +1 amazing you.
okay the next post will be up probably tomorrow... its too much for me to type right now... and i pull these straight out of my journal sumtimes...
train talks and bull shit walks
metra needs to get its fucking act together. meth smoking on the train calling hte cops and 25 minute delays. oh and waiting for the train in the cold while people are in their car all damn warm watching me do my version of dancing. i look like a crazy and its okay cause its all about the dance and me anwyays.
feb ? 2010
i dont have a whole messy sotry to give any of you for this particular day and in fact i dont remember exactly waht day it was... i think it was the 12th or the 13th... all i know is that the following words were my thoughts.
let the earth breathe
stay on the beach, feel the sand and the sun take baths in the lone
i am okay with my world being shaken in the end i am all shattered and all stable
the emptiness is consuming and i am all too inviting
life is in constant motion and the world trembles i am so pleased to be sturdy
there is so much life i dont know about
i am so lost i am found
its okay to feel lost in life just means you are still looking for yourself and that is a beautiful life long journey
the names were there and then they wre gone and i still wrote on
i am my presence i can not give you anything more myself
i can feel my life getting ready to change... all the time
i can find the scary me within my mind and within the scary me i can find peace hope and tranquility
i kept slipping sliding stumbling and falling but i also kept taking that next step
i have what it takes to get back up
i know how it was suppost to look and how it was suppose to feel then i met you, you shook that up in a violent way. i love you. thank you and im okay.
my mind is both a beautiful and dangerous place living in constant cahso within my body and yet i can find a balance of sorts what i will call my inner harmony
everyday is a life celebration
how can nearly every exit really be an entrance and how can nrearly every entrance be an exit
each stip i take in the opposite direction makes it easier to no go back and continue walking away
i am complete all on my own you happen to be an amazing bonus in my life i am me +1 amazing you.
okay the next post will be up probably tomorrow... its too much for me to type right now... and i pull these straight out of my journal sumtimes...
Sunday, February 7, 2010
tweet tweet i love the beat
its not about ur birthdate or ur deathdate its all about what u do inbetween those two dates -delila
lately my life has been all about dates. all types of dates. i have no idea what to do with plans anymore. i lost my agenda... i need that thing. i depend on it to make sure i get things done and i go places and keep my dates with people...and here is a nice little fact about my agenda at the end of it i look at each page and see what i did with my life each and every single day helps me feel like i didnt waste a day that each day was important and significant. i love knowing that each day was a day i took advantage of.
since ive begun blogging i write in my journal less and less
lately my life has been all about dates. all types of dates. i have no idea what to do with plans anymore. i lost my agenda... i need that thing. i depend on it to make sure i get things done and i go places and keep my dates with people...and here is a nice little fact about my agenda at the end of it i look at each page and see what i did with my life each and every single day helps me feel like i didnt waste a day that each day was important and significant. i love knowing that each day was a day i took advantage of.
since ive begun blogging i write in my journal less and less
Friday, February 5, 2010
LOVE BIRD
~Fleeting moments in composing,
Furiously the lyrics are flowing.~
-Delila
It seems that once again life has shown me another beautiful thing the inside pages of a person held together by humble bidings, a person who is more than a cover and a title. i find it so refreshing to meet people who are down to earth and know that what they have had to be earned. That earning something take time and effort, hard work and perseverance. i've made a friend Audio Tom, and he happens to be quite a nice fellow: his quirks and smirk can win a heart: he wears neon green instead of sunshine yellow. i love you.
i loved a guy on the train the other day for near an hour. he made me laugh. he made me smile. he spoke of love, dance, art, family, sparks, and love some more. he is in love with life and only 24. he seems passionate in only a way that this French Colombian man can be. a mixed breed with green eyes, sandy brown hair, tan skin, and fine lips for a man. he says he falls in love daily and i for one believe him. it isn't one of those fake or cheesy or perverted lustful loves either. he falls in love with life and with the word love itself. i have never had a more perfect train ride in my life than the one i spent with him. i'm glad that he was captured by my, "powers of magnetism" or so he called what drew him to converse with me. He told me so much about himself in such a short amount of time, and i cannot wait to write as much of it as i can remember in my journal or in the book i am writing. train man jon i thank you for showing me a new type of love. i hope you paint, juggle, do splits, play music, and dance. you have a beautiful spark. i am happy to have momentarily shared love with you. i loved you.
"there are so many types of love, i have never felt before"-Delila
i am finding that there are really so many different types of love. i am seeing love in an all new way and have been since this year has started. it's exciting and crippling all at once this new discovery in this old as earth feeling: LOVE. i am disappointed that the English language has only one form and one way of saying I love you for all the different types of love felt. i hope each person knows in which way i love them. "those three words aer said too much but never enough"(?), i hope anyone who reads this can begin to understand that when i write of someone why i say, i love you. i can never espress those feelings and emotions enough. also, today i'd like to say i love myself. (as a side note, love is not the only emotion i have. eventually just not in this blog i will write about feelings such as anger, rage, greed, jealousy, and etc... so please refrain from calling me a hypocrite. i know there is more than love when it comes to emotions, i just don't want to dwell on those feelings for as long as i want to dwell on love and happiness.)
i guess i should inform whoever happens to read my blog that i take the train often, and enjoy talking to people on the train. i find it so surprising how nice people can be if given the opportunity to show it. most of the people i will blog about i will never blog about again, because i will probably never see them again. life is full of moments, and i happen to be enjoying them (especially on the train).
Ethan Win It, i am now going to be posting some of my little hurried scribbles that you thought i should post on my blog. thank you for helping me find the courage to post my almost poem like feelings. i love you.
~Within every moment there is a chance,
Sharing simple smiles with every glance.
I hope you don't mind when I stare,
I can tell you aren't unaware.~
-Delila
If anyone cares to know who any one of my poems is about to feel free to ask me. if you want the full story behind any one of my poems feel free to ask me that as well.
~I stare at her.
He stares at me.
We stare at him.
He is seeing the unseen,
From behind the see thru looking screen.~
-Delila
Plain White Tom [(I follow his blog and I recommend you to check it out) i love you] has made it very clear to me that METH is becoming a pretty big problem and is swallowing people whole! Devoruing friends, family, and lovers as entire beings. Spread the awareness it's a killer of people not all physically either, i mean it mentally kills people we care about. so don't try it, if you are using it quit it right now ( if you need help quitting find a way to contact me or got to PWT), and if someone you know is using METH help them get off it. Don't lose yourself or loved ones to a cheap yet vicious drug.
I'm learning the language of silence. Being silent is probably one of the most difficult things for me to do. I have a terrible time keeping quiet. Yet, i have met and am well acquainted with one of the most silent people next to a mute as almost humanly possible. I find Make It Jake fascinating. in silence he says more and less to me than i know what to do with. Make It Jake also typically has only one facial expression... Talk or better yet said NOT talk about making things difficult. I want to say thanks tto you Make It Jake for choosing your words more carefully than others do and for thinking about the consuquences of your word choice. I really do appreaciate it, also thanks a ton for helping me slow down and think about the words i do and do not want to say. I don't want the subtext of my text to ever be misunderstood. I love you.
Furiously the lyrics are flowing.~
-Delila
It seems that once again life has shown me another beautiful thing the inside pages of a person held together by humble bidings, a person who is more than a cover and a title. i find it so refreshing to meet people who are down to earth and know that what they have had to be earned. That earning something take time and effort, hard work and perseverance. i've made a friend Audio Tom, and he happens to be quite a nice fellow: his quirks and smirk can win a heart: he wears neon green instead of sunshine yellow. i love you.
i loved a guy on the train the other day for near an hour. he made me laugh. he made me smile. he spoke of love, dance, art, family, sparks, and love some more. he is in love with life and only 24. he seems passionate in only a way that this French Colombian man can be. a mixed breed with green eyes, sandy brown hair, tan skin, and fine lips for a man. he says he falls in love daily and i for one believe him. it isn't one of those fake or cheesy or perverted lustful loves either. he falls in love with life and with the word love itself. i have never had a more perfect train ride in my life than the one i spent with him. i'm glad that he was captured by my, "powers of magnetism" or so he called what drew him to converse with me. He told me so much about himself in such a short amount of time, and i cannot wait to write as much of it as i can remember in my journal or in the book i am writing. train man jon i thank you for showing me a new type of love. i hope you paint, juggle, do splits, play music, and dance. you have a beautiful spark. i am happy to have momentarily shared love with you. i loved you.
"there are so many types of love, i have never felt before"-Delila
i am finding that there are really so many different types of love. i am seeing love in an all new way and have been since this year has started. it's exciting and crippling all at once this new discovery in this old as earth feeling: LOVE. i am disappointed that the English language has only one form and one way of saying I love you for all the different types of love felt. i hope each person knows in which way i love them. "those three words aer said too much but never enough"(?), i hope anyone who reads this can begin to understand that when i write of someone why i say, i love you. i can never espress those feelings and emotions enough. also, today i'd like to say i love myself. (as a side note, love is not the only emotion i have. eventually just not in this blog i will write about feelings such as anger, rage, greed, jealousy, and etc... so please refrain from calling me a hypocrite. i know there is more than love when it comes to emotions, i just don't want to dwell on those feelings for as long as i want to dwell on love and happiness.)
i guess i should inform whoever happens to read my blog that i take the train often, and enjoy talking to people on the train. i find it so surprising how nice people can be if given the opportunity to show it. most of the people i will blog about i will never blog about again, because i will probably never see them again. life is full of moments, and i happen to be enjoying them (especially on the train).
Ethan Win It, i am now going to be posting some of my little hurried scribbles that you thought i should post on my blog. thank you for helping me find the courage to post my almost poem like feelings. i love you.
~Within every moment there is a chance,
Sharing simple smiles with every glance.
I hope you don't mind when I stare,
I can tell you aren't unaware.~
-Delila
If anyone cares to know who any one of my poems is about to feel free to ask me. if you want the full story behind any one of my poems feel free to ask me that as well.
~I stare at her.
He stares at me.
We stare at him.
He is seeing the unseen,
From behind the see thru looking screen.~
-Delila
Plain White Tom [(I follow his blog and I recommend you to check it out) i love you] has made it very clear to me that METH is becoming a pretty big problem and is swallowing people whole! Devoruing friends, family, and lovers as entire beings. Spread the awareness it's a killer of people not all physically either, i mean it mentally kills people we care about. so don't try it, if you are using it quit it right now ( if you need help quitting find a way to contact me or got to PWT), and if someone you know is using METH help them get off it. Don't lose yourself or loved ones to a cheap yet vicious drug.
I'm learning the language of silence. Being silent is probably one of the most difficult things for me to do. I have a terrible time keeping quiet. Yet, i have met and am well acquainted with one of the most silent people next to a mute as almost humanly possible. I find Make It Jake fascinating. in silence he says more and less to me than i know what to do with. Make It Jake also typically has only one facial expression... Talk or better yet said NOT talk about making things difficult. I want to say thanks tto you Make It Jake for choosing your words more carefully than others do and for thinking about the consuquences of your word choice. I really do appreaciate it, also thanks a ton for helping me slow down and think about the words i do and do not want to say. I don't want the subtext of my text to ever be misunderstood. I love you.
Monday, February 1, 2010
birds of a feather take flight together
im sitting here in the library of a little hood town listening to this man continually read the same line in a poem over and over i now know he does not like mexicans and if i was a mexican i might even be insulted.
i want to let someone know that i wish i could be the girl that sparkles in there eyes and left them filled with hope love and surprise.
in these last two weeks along i have had my heart broken, used, trampled, confused, re-built, filled and back to confused. im happy to say that at the very least i know there is love. it may not take every perfect form i wish it would but i know its there in the good and in the bad and for that alone i am grateful.
i have a friend whom i hope knows that i love deeply and dearly and that when the lone wolf runs its own course that this tiny dancer will be right here to hear the stories of the loves lost and gained and the stories filled with adventure. i know ive already lost myself in you my lone wolf partly and am here for you whole heartedly.
Spontaneous, combustible, disastrous, sporadic, erratic, electric and i think your forgot nomadic....
i spent my first weekend at home this weekend. and it was plenty more than what i hoped it would be. i ate cakes, cookies, and brownies. all baked with love and laughter with an amazing friend. i made beautiful candi and got to make chalk drawings on my wall all the while smiling about it all. im so blessed to have a friend who is willing to take trains and walk to pay me a visit just to keep with our weekly tradition. i love you.
never in my life have i ever noticed how amazing the human body is before. now that im interested in dancing i pay closer attention than ever before to how my body bends and pops and snaps and moves and flows. how each of my joints bends and how my muscles constrict and loosen up. im so grateful for the ability to move all of my limbs.
now young ladies if any read this at all ever. start to fucking value yourself. you are worth more than that stupid little boy will ever truly know. stop selling yourself short and dont think just know you deserve more than what is being handed to you. young lady remember that you do deserve to get a compliment and that you should never allow him to think your dreams are stupid or foolish. and most of all you deserve to be loved for more than your cover its the pages of who you are that count. and dont you dare young lady love a book for his cover take the time to be his friend to read his pages and not only read the pages but look for the subtext of his text. get to know how he treats his mom and dad get to know his friends hell dont be a bitter lil child and if u run into one of his exs be kind and polite see why it didnt work from both sides of the story. trust that you know what is best for yourself dont stay in a shitty relationship to keep him happy. cause a good relationship is based on equal amounts of happiness. but before you jump into a relationship form a solid friendship. a friendship is more important than anything else. and dont worry about love it will always be there if there is a genuine friendship. and allow love to take its own course just dont let it consume you and forget that there is life besides love in a relationship. there is love and life in all friendships. young lady remember that you are to be treated as an equal in every friendship.
i want to let someone know that i wish i could be the girl that sparkles in there eyes and left them filled with hope love and surprise.
in these last two weeks along i have had my heart broken, used, trampled, confused, re-built, filled and back to confused. im happy to say that at the very least i know there is love. it may not take every perfect form i wish it would but i know its there in the good and in the bad and for that alone i am grateful.
i have a friend whom i hope knows that i love deeply and dearly and that when the lone wolf runs its own course that this tiny dancer will be right here to hear the stories of the loves lost and gained and the stories filled with adventure. i know ive already lost myself in you my lone wolf partly and am here for you whole heartedly.
Spontaneous, combustible, disastrous, sporadic, erratic, electric and i think your forgot nomadic....
i spent my first weekend at home this weekend. and it was plenty more than what i hoped it would be. i ate cakes, cookies, and brownies. all baked with love and laughter with an amazing friend. i made beautiful candi and got to make chalk drawings on my wall all the while smiling about it all. im so blessed to have a friend who is willing to take trains and walk to pay me a visit just to keep with our weekly tradition. i love you.
never in my life have i ever noticed how amazing the human body is before. now that im interested in dancing i pay closer attention than ever before to how my body bends and pops and snaps and moves and flows. how each of my joints bends and how my muscles constrict and loosen up. im so grateful for the ability to move all of my limbs.
now young ladies if any read this at all ever. start to fucking value yourself. you are worth more than that stupid little boy will ever truly know. stop selling yourself short and dont think just know you deserve more than what is being handed to you. young lady remember that you do deserve to get a compliment and that you should never allow him to think your dreams are stupid or foolish. and most of all you deserve to be loved for more than your cover its the pages of who you are that count. and dont you dare young lady love a book for his cover take the time to be his friend to read his pages and not only read the pages but look for the subtext of his text. get to know how he treats his mom and dad get to know his friends hell dont be a bitter lil child and if u run into one of his exs be kind and polite see why it didnt work from both sides of the story. trust that you know what is best for yourself dont stay in a shitty relationship to keep him happy. cause a good relationship is based on equal amounts of happiness. but before you jump into a relationship form a solid friendship. a friendship is more important than anything else. and dont worry about love it will always be there if there is a genuine friendship. and allow love to take its own course just dont let it consume you and forget that there is life besides love in a relationship. there is love and life in all friendships. young lady remember that you are to be treated as an equal in every friendship.
Friday, January 15, 2010
this is my life im flying
i am flying higher than ever before my emotions and happiness on a rise no time to sit and cry or hide no more disguise just peace and love for me and you
I am now at jakes house. tim is here and i am on jakes stationed computer. i have made a new circle of friends and am starting to strengthen the old ones. im smiling more and living better. school starts this tuesday and im so excited to be in class learning something of importance. im learning that i need to go with the flow. i am now falling in love with dance. when i get the chance i will write more for now i just wanna say thanks to:
Jake W.
Plain White Tom
Amber Selzer
Kerry Katsby
Loren Pearl
Space Cadet
Ethan W.
all of you have been so wonderful at helping me start this new year off on the right foot. i love you all in a way that is more than love. thank you all for being yourselves.
Jake W.
Plain White Tom
Amber Selzer
Kerry Katsby
Loren Pearl
Space Cadet
Ethan W.
all of you have been so wonderful at helping me start this new year off on the right foot. i love you all in a way that is more than love. thank you all for being yourselves.
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