oh my life is one trip through the clouds

and then the alligators ate the animal circus parade riding on their backs in the clouds and we knew "we had seen it all". up the stairs, through the two doors, turn right, turn left,up the stairs, through the door to the left, a few steps into the room, open the window, grab 2 pillows and 2 blankets on the way out, step onto the mini roof big enough for three and there sat we: marina, flozel, and me. the closing hoorah to our night was watching sunrise over the city I-90/94 highway. I recommended a chilly sunrise with good friends and great imaginations on the first fall feeling day of the year.

was my weekend fun of course it was surrounded by friends who never let me fall behind and a smile spread across my face so big i was incapable of talking. no joke so in awe i couldn't speak properly for hours... i danced boy oh boy did i dance... liquid and i are starting to flow together in and out of my mind and body... loving the music, liquid and i.

decisions decisions decisions... i don't know where i stand on certain subjects sometimes and having to make up my mind is such a daunting task... i want to do the right thing and it never seems to be right. i want to make life okay for me and everyone i know and i can't... no matter what i decide to do someone will get hurt. but if i don't make up my mind i will sit and suffer with my confusion. rot in my own mind and continue to waste my time. i cant make everyone happy i just cant and it tears me up inside... but there i go again trying to please everyone but me. never putting how i feel first as if i don't matter. as if how i feel shouldn't be the most important aspect in my decision making. i never speak up for how i feel about things, i always put the feelings of others in front of mine and never actually get what i want. i continually give myself the short end of the stick and its just not fair to me anymore. its time for me to ask Delila "what does Delila want" and "how does Delila get that". Delila needs to figure out what makes Delila happy and run with it even if it doesn't make others happy because at the end of the day Delila is sure others will do what makes them happy regardless of what Delila wants.