falling. why in the world is that term associated with pain so often? sometimes falling is the best thing to do when everything is falling apart... fell on the bed im sitting on now and typing this up... regina spektor "fidelity" is playing in the background of my mind and on the speakers of my laptop...
im enjoying right now. the silent chaos of my thoughts is comforting. im happy. i just realized i didnt finish my last post and thats okay cause i feel like the night was too good to put an ending to anyways...
my life has changed so much since i posted that last blog... i mean so so so much has changed but yet still not that much has.
i am feeling stuck as i write this so much i want to say but dont know what i should keep to myself most of it im sure...
i think the way i feel about someone is dangerous. the possibility of getting hurt is always worth it though at least i always hope it is. and with this person i am sure it is. but there is no rush i cn wait and wait and wait on this one. i want to get to know this one inside out backwards fowards sideways and in all other possible ways.
last relationship ended... hurt like crazy. still hurts at times only when i stop to think about it. wanted it to work... it didn't. i cant always get what i want. i hope he does...
family. im working things out with them. sewing patches over the tears. building new bridges from my heart to thiers. its hard and i felt hurt still do at times but im forgiving these days not forgetting but forgiving. i want to feel like i can turn to them for anything at any time everytime. its just not feeling easy to do that right now but i am working on it.
i cried tonight. cried cause i was accepting my life as just that life. and i feel relieved. and i feel so blessed to have a friend who cares about me enough to listen and to love me. i feel blessed to have friends i can call family. i love them truly.
thats all i got right now. i cant do this right now. i need to think. im too into my head right now to get it out in this blog... will try again tomorrow.
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