ruffle my feathers and i will shit on you

go to sleep upset wake up furious. i love when i'm told what an awful person i am. i really really do it makes me feel so good about myself. especially when its by my "father figure". wouldn't you love to be called a "wolf in sheeps clothing"... really, i am. i'm not perfect far from in many ways. i'm not a drinker, or a smoker, and i dont do drugs. i go to church on sundays willingly and youthgroup tuesday nights cuz i love to. yes i love to be around "churchy ppl/ jesus freaks" they are the nicest ppl i've come in contact with and really provide a community of love and comfort and the food is nice ;). but im a "wolf in sheeps clothing". i've never cheated on my wife (im not married) i've never abused any drugs, i've never been a chain smoker, i've never physically hit my kids (i dont have kids) to the point where they have scars on their bottoms, i've never been so pissed drunk that i've punched my brother in the face and a ton of other things i best not mention. yet after 18 lovely years of this wonderful life im sparing u the details from little things he says to me still make me cry. call me weak call me pathetic tell me to get over it i dont care i'm human i feel as i please and you can shove it up yours cuz if it was ur dad telling u that u r a four letter word that means a version of harlot but never saying only implying it in every conversation uz have had for the last few weeks i think eventually u either learn to hate him or break down and cry.

on another note becuz i have been on that other one too long last night i went on xanga for the first time in 3 years never in my life did i think that i was so dark inside seriously dark "killing is a form of art" and i went from that to making little love poems within a month of eachother i have some serious issues. over all it was nice to see things i had thought about and wrote about and ppl i have like and long since lost contact with over the years. each post reminded me that i always have been just me and that over the years i have grown as a person.

update on the family party in just a few short days. pinata almost done flowers almost done napkin things are done and i got my outfit nearly ready to wear!!!and woot woot for graduation in 2 more days!!