ruffle my feathers and i will shit on you

go to sleep upset wake up furious. i love when i'm told what an awful person i am. i really really do it makes me feel so good about myself. especially when its by my "father figure". wouldn't you love to be called a "wolf in sheeps clothing"... really, i am. i'm not perfect far from in many ways. i'm not a drinker, or a smoker, and i dont do drugs. i go to church on sundays willingly and youthgroup tuesday nights cuz i love to. yes i love to be around "churchy ppl/ jesus freaks" they are the nicest ppl i've come in contact with and really provide a community of love and comfort and the food is nice ;). but im a "wolf in sheeps clothing". i've never cheated on my wife (im not married) i've never abused any drugs, i've never been a chain smoker, i've never physically hit my kids (i dont have kids) to the point where they have scars on their bottoms, i've never been so pissed drunk that i've punched my brother in the face and a ton of other things i best not mention. yet after 18 lovely years of this wonderful life im sparing u the details from little things he says to me still make me cry. call me weak call me pathetic tell me to get over it i dont care i'm human i feel as i please and you can shove it up yours cuz if it was ur dad telling u that u r a four letter word that means a version of harlot but never saying only implying it in every conversation uz have had for the last few weeks i think eventually u either learn to hate him or break down and cry.

on another note becuz i have been on that other one too long last night i went on xanga for the first time in 3 years never in my life did i think that i was so dark inside seriously dark "killing is a form of art" and i went from that to making little love poems within a month of eachother i have some serious issues. over all it was nice to see things i had thought about and wrote about and ppl i have like and long since lost contact with over the years. each post reminded me that i always have been just me and that over the years i have grown as a person.

update on the family party in just a few short days. pinata almost done flowers almost done napkin things are done and i got my outfit nearly ready to wear!!!and woot woot for graduation in 2 more days!!

a light breeze didnt ruffle my feathers

okay thursday. graduation practice way too long. way too cold in gym way too hot outside... and i can feel sunburn on my flesh already if we do have graduation outside. tell me that isnt just wonderful =].

im in the process of making over 25 paper flowers for a family party. and if any of u know rubbyred she can tell u we have a big family. its a graduation party for all of the graduates on memorial day. the thing is its a surprise for all of them except for me cuz i thought of it... so i get to plan it and decorate. i choose a luau theme just cuz i wanna and they aint got no say so since its a surprise for them.hell im even going through the whole pinata making process for my fam and btw i hate paper mache!!!

besides that on the boyfriend update early this morning he drove 15 minutes to my house at 1 am to bring me and my family potbelly cookies the oatmeal chocolate chip kind. im not pregnant im not craving anything he just did. i feel blessed and damn those cookies are so good.

locker cleaning = glad i never have to do that again!

things on the home front are rocky... my rents have lost a few more bolts and screws in their brains as the years go on... im too much of a "free spirit" for them and well i would say im just a bird who was taught to fly and is taking her flight.

tis all for now =]

a little bird told me

this is my first post obviously. im cutting to the chase. im a little bird. i flutter about and my cheeks burn a bright red. im 18. im alive. i want to teach. my cuzn rubby introduced me to this blog thing. i am addicted to oil paint and the smell of new chucks. im puertorican and no i can not pronounce the r in puertorican. give me pen paper and a minute and i will give u art. give me a smile and i will give u a piece of my heart.

i have a big big big family im talking 50+ on one tiny branch of it. and why yes i do come from a "broken home". and why yes i am still fully functional mentally. i love my family and will defend them to the best of my ability.

i finished my last day of high school today. and am glad i never have to take another high school class again. or follow a bell schedule, that is until i begin my teaching career.


i am the worst singer in the world and i love playing the color burp game.

im hungry. i want to cook.