24 hours.

in the last 24 hours my life has been super busy... moved all my things. unpacked 75% of them. did tons of chores. painted the nails on many hands. played with the lil sis. went to an interview. got orientation for work tomorrow. life is picking up speed, and quick. i moved back home with the goal of getting my life together i just wasn't expecting it to all happen so fast. despite some odds, i'm happy. i have friends i look forward to seeing really soon, and other plans that are seeming to shine bright.

the work load wishes...

Finally able to blog some good news. My hunt for work has finally started to flower, and hopefully the fruit of my labor will soon blossom. I had an interview for a hostessing position this past Thursday. I can say I had a good time waiting for my interview to happen, made great conversation with a "single serving" friend. She was lovely, stylish, and a complete sweetheart. The interview itself wasn't anything like any other interview I have ever been on. I wasn't asked any questions about why I qualified for the position, instead the conversation we had was about my love of food and my family history with food. in the middle of the conversation we were interrupted, because of some ordeal with a wine order. During the time this took to be fixed I gathered that the man that was interviewing me wasn't just another worker, but instead the owner of 5 major city hot-spots for dining himself. He was a pretty chill guy, and referred me to three other places to apply to work at and said to use him as a recommendation. I take it I didn't get the job at his place, but he did say he highly recommends for me to attempt at the other places. So attempt, I will.

On another note, I have a meet up coming up sometime this week for a baby sitting gig that pays forty dollars for four hours. I will be baby sitting a two year old girl. I really hope I can get the job, cause it would be nice to be making some sort of income. Plus from the e-mails the mother and I have been sending each other this should work out wonderfully. *crosses fingers*

Along with all of the other work related news I have an interview on Tuesday at 7 p.m. for a part time cashiering position at the pasta bowl. I am hoping for the best with that interview. I haven't stopped looking for work yet, I have sent out my resume to about 20 other places this week. I know that with patience and persistence I will land a job.

thank you...

thank you to the people who continually tell me things i already know. i appreciate it, i really do, it adds to the fire that fuels me to keep pressing forth. I'd like to add not all the things you say out of spite do me harm in fact most of it can be seen in a different light and used as positive enforcement to help me do better. i will say i am very sad that you spend valuable precious moments of your time coming up with a way to hurt me and my emotions. it is a waste of your life to spend your time finding a way to send negative messages my way. would it not have been better to spend that minute or two reflecting on the positive aspects of your life and feel good about yourself that way? no, instead you took those two minutes {which over a life time will continue to add up} to send me negative vibes which I'm sure just put you in a worse mood than you were already in... to what make you feel like you are a better person than i am? wouldn't the bigger person just let it go, especially if it does not directly effect your life? i just hope that someday instead of putting others down and wasting your time putting more negative energy in the world, that you will all take those two minutes to reflect upon the things that bring you joy, make you happy, and that you do well. your rep what you sow, so sow positivity in your free time instead of coming up with new ways to rep hate.

19

i can feel the hot wet salty tears streaming and streaking down my face over the red heated blush of my cheeks, my eyes are now the fountain of every wish i made on a penny that never came true. you silent and concerned in the darkness of this night even without being able to see i could feel you looking me straight in the eyes. the hysteric mumbling of my insecurities as i prepare to take flight, are stilled you have me sit tight, take a deep breath, calm down realize come morning it will be alright. your words they play on repeat, a broken record but you don't own vinyl "19". my inner gemini fights between my logic and your insight i feel you hug me tight, the sound of my giggle is light like your pillows, we speak serious nonsense until you fall to sleep, as i watch the sun spread over the room like warm yellow paint over a canvas, a warm closed eyes smile covers my face finally i say "i'm 19 you're right".

happy begining of the end of the year!

The first of the month shouldn't that be for other first things, as well? I was thinking about new year resolutions and how most the time they don't seem to stick. Forcing oneself instead of encouraging oneself to do something, makes it feel so much more like a chore than it really should be. So this year I am not making resolutions. I'm looking at the new year as a a new day everyday to do the things that make me happy and hopefully brighten up the lives of others. Just because I am not making a list doesn't mean there aren't things I hope to do in the incoming year. The thing is though with the things i hope to do they don't all have to be done in this year, so i guess instead I'm gonna make a bucket list slowly but surely and hopefully thru out life x some out and add some new ones, and let them happen whenever they happen. I'm not forcing a set list of goals to accomplish in a year it doesn't make any sense to live life by a list predetermined before the year has even started, cause I don't know what will happen a day, or a month, into my year that could greatly alter what I would have set out to do. Also, I don't see the point of having to wait to January 1st of every year to change the things I want to change in my life, today is as good a day as any to make progress as well as happy, healthy, and good life choices to better myself.

those movie moments...

giddy and giggling along side my beautiful sam on a sunny summer day. we sat there she and i loving life on the red line cta to the china town stop. i laugh as she points out every seemingly cute girl that catches her eye. i love the little things she notices that make each person beautiful in their own way. our stop is up and we stand and my attention is caught i catch his eye on my way out the shutting doors, i can feel myself start to blush. i hurry out the train cart and steal one last glance at the guy with the dark hair and leather jacket and i do that double take i feel myself wonder who he is and smile at him... just as the doors shut im sure i caught him smile too. then he was gone. the train was gone and as i walk down the steps i talk with sam about how i felt like i knew him and that i should have at least said hello... it was a moment in time and space i felt like i had lost a perfection connection with a stranger... just like in most of my favorite girly romance movies...fast forward a few months... and he messages me reminds me of that day out with my friend and much to my surprise, i did know him and he knew me and he realized just like i did a little too late to say hello. his reaction much like mine was delayed and the doors shut on him before he could get off the train to say hello to me. it was a wonderfully lost and hopeful point in my life, im just glad someone shared it with me and that now we can both now look back and smile fully aware of who the other is.

time...

October came and went it flew by so quickly. It brings both a smile to face and tears to my eyes. I have so much to be grateful for when I look back upon my past month. Yet, I also have such a heavy heart when I look back... I, as well as many others lost an amazing friend, brother, son, and family member the last day of October. With a heavy heart I have to look forward to my future and know he will not be part of it. I hope where ever he is now that he is at peace. I hope he is enjoying the clouds even more than he did when he was here with us. I hope he is doing what he loves to do creating beautiful images the way none of us who knew him could. I hope he has a calm sweet dream rest until we can meet again. love sleepyhair sleepyhead.